Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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