I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
