i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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