I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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