question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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