No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
