thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
