now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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