New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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