As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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