I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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