He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
