The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
