Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
