Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize