How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
