how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
