I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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