Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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