His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize