sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
