He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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