My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
