I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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