After last night, I could never be a politician.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
