you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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