i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
