What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
