What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Every concussion has its silver lining
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
