I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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