It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
this boner is exhausting
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
