She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
