so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
