u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I want to have your abortion
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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