What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
