I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
