can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
