so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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