I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
