do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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