we have pet lesbian snakes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
