I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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