I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
