You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize