can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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