i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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