My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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