Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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