Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
