you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
