Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize