Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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