I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
