how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
