What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i think i just lost a toe
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize