he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
