After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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