who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
