whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
