My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
