Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
