This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
did i just pee glitter
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize