That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
