if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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