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who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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