I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
