last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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