I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
