I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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