Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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