What did we do last night that was yellow?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
