You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
