My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im calling her cock vulture from now on
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
