Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
