i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
