Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
