And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize