They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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