No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
