Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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