Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
