he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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