You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize