Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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