guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
