You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
