This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize