rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
