the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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