I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
